Spring is like someone stroking your hair saying there there, it’s all going to end well in sunlight and with bumblebees. But it’s not, the world is going to the dogs and everyone is going to die, sooner or later.

It comes with my chosen profession that I have a preference for spending my days indoors, staring at computer screens and book pages. And after every winter, when it suddenly gets lighter and warmer I raise my head from the screen and look out of my window, and there they are: the spring idiots. Sitting on benches and walls, their faces turned to the sun with their eyes closed, like man-sized lizards who have just spent six months in a cabin in the Arctic with no sunlight at all. But they did not, and winter in Central Europe was too short and it’s getting too warm too soon and the premier minister of Iceland is talking about the benefits of global warming. The lizard spring idiots on the wall with their tucked up skinny jeans and their moccachinos are looking after girls in short dresses and somehow believe that humanity is still part of the cycle of nature with spring awakening and everything. I look at my screen again. I’ve always been an autumn person, I guess.